911 dispatch is the core of our law enforcement system, and it's helped billions of people over its 41-year existence. One major complaint from 911 operators, though, is that the service is so often under-utilized. People only call for really crazy things, like if a crime is taking place, but they don't seem to realize that 911 can be used to solve a wide range of common problems. Here are a few examples:
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For those of us who don't have to wear special rubber pants or drive a fancy wheelchair operated only by our mind, being locked inside of a car is an easy fix. Luckily, 911 is there for the rest of us.
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There's nothing worse than being dead, on the phone, and in a time vortex at the same time. And if you're super, super high at the same time? Forget about it. Don't worry: 911 will help you (get fired from your job).
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Cows are the invisible killers of America's youth, except that they're not invisible and they rarely kill people. Nonetheless, if you ever see one standing around and doing nothing, it's your civic duty to report it immediately.
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I wonder how many times during the previous three days this guy picked up the phone, dialed 9-1, and then thought, "nah, I'll wait this huge, painful boner out. It'll probably be gone by the time they answer. Yep, any minute now..."
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Don't waste your money on online dating services and chat lines. Instead, you can just keep calling in with fake emergencies until an attractive, available police officer shows up at your doorstep.
Friday, December 18, 2009
